Your Reorganized Life as a Father

I believe every single person who committed to having children has gone through some sort of transformation in the process. And it can be difficult to handle for sure.

Usually when we are in our teens and young adulthood we do not really hold that much responsibility. We are free and ready to go out and experience the world without limits. It is a fun time, but I am sure most of us have felt dull at some point living too hedonistically for too long. There is always something missing.

As we grow older we start understanding life from a different point of view. If we are lucky we find our partner and life changes. It becomes more about the company, enjoying yourself with your chosen one and building something together.

And then if you are really lucky enough, you find the person you want to spend your life with and decide to have children. Do not get me wrong, this is an idealistic setup, but should we not at least try to strive for that?

Then children come into the picture and life changes more than it ever has before.

You look into that kid’s eyes and see a reflection of yourself. The sleepless nights, the chaos in the house, the pressure of trying to figure out what to do right. Suddenly life becomes so busy that you barely even think about many of the things that used to matter to you before.

I think one of the hardest things in a man’s life is the distance that inevitably grows between friends.

Grabbing a couple of beers with the boys now suddenly feels almost shameful because part of you keeps thinking about your family at home. But when you are at home all the time, another part of you misses going out and hanging out freely. There is a strange tension there that I think many fathers understand.

With friends who do not have families yet, the separation can happen very quickly and sometimes quite harshly. They do not necessarily understand what happened, why you changed, or why they see you less and less.

But maybe there is also something positive in that.

The people who stick around usually become your true friends and not just your buddies. I would count that as a win overall. And of course friends who are also fathers understand exactly what is going on, even if everyone’s priorities shift and you only manage to see each other once or twice a year.

Is that bad? In some ways yes, and in some ways no.

Honestly, are there really that many important things happening every single week that you need to discuss constantly? Sometimes rarer conversations feel more natural and meaningful anyway.

And this is only one aspect of the change.

You suddenly have to juggle expenses and buy a whole bunch of things for your children (half of which you will probably never even use). You constantly try to figure out the best way to keep your family happy. Sex becomes less likely to happen. Your routines change. Your whole life slowly starts revolving around your child or children.

And I think many single people reading this would think this sounds dull.

But there is nothing more rewarding than this transformation. Reorganizing your life for a true and meaningful purpose is not only the right thing to do but is the most rewarding. Once you see them smile and happy with you… Nothing can pay that price.