The Downside of the False Manhood image

I often wonder if our forefathers have lived in the same state of mind as modern men do. Likely similar in some ways, but fundamentally different in others.

Why do I think that? 

People comparing themselves to each other has probably always been a thing. Some achieved more, some less, and there is frustration in that. In many cases we see people get ahead without actual merit, knowledge or real intelligence. Other times we simply fail to see our own flaws, think too highly of ourselves and envy those who are ahead.

And that’s fine. it is probably how it has always been. 

The trouble comes with the internet and social media. 

The modern father is bombarded with suggestions, tips and life advice from every possible direction. You see a huge gap between where you are and where others SEEM to be on a daily basis, on a scale that never existed before in human history. Whether we like it or not, it definitely takes a toll on how we view ourselves and our lives.

I know it happens with me.

Self-proclaimed experts on manhood and role models with seemingly luxurious lifestyles are telling you what a real man should be. 

But when your whole life becomes a show for the masses, when success is measured by posing with fancy cars and beautiful women, the question naturally comes up:

Is this really me? You are being told you have to be rich, you have to be jacked, gotta have your business and rest when you are dead. Others tell you real men don’t cry. That emotions are weakness. That you should have all the women and live a luxurious life. 

And that is all fine.

But if you are anything like me, there always seems to be something fundamentally missing from all of it.

You can easily find the male fantasy portrayed on a daily basis, but somehow I am always missing the core that really builds the character of a man. 

Family. I very rarely see the true and deep connection between wife and husband and how that relationship shapes you as a person. I rarely see the importance of putting your family and children at the center of what you do. 

Don’t get me wrong. You should definitely thrive to be more successful, make more money, take care of your health and work out, build something and earn respect in your community. There is nothing wrong with that. 

But would you really spend all your money on an insanely fast sports car just to sit in traffic with it all day? Would you really want all the beautiful women in the world while destroying the relationship with the one person who stood beside you through good and bad and gave you the gift of fatherhood? To me, those feel like fantasies you chase in your twenties while trying to figure out who you are and what you want from life. And honestly, what does that do to the moral compass of young men who are constantly exposed to these ideas?

From another perspective, is any of this even realistically achievable? Let’s be real. You can probably build a successful business, stay in great shape and buy the fancy house and the car.

But will you still have time for your wife? For your children?For the people who actually matter?

We all want everything.

But eventually we have to understand what our real priorities are and make decisions based on them. And you will not have it all. Life is built on trade-offs. Sacrifices are made all along life and the promise that you can somehow avoid those sacrifices is incredibly appealing and incredibly sellable.

But the reality is that these sacrifices build you as a man and gives you an opportunity to deeper understand yourself as a person and define your priorities and act on them. It really depends which way you want to take as a man. 

You can keep on dreaming and help others reach their goals by falling for their marketing and sales techniques spending insane amount of money on gurus, courses and empty promises trying to chase an actually empty dream. 

You can join them and try to extort your fellow men of their money giving them the same empty promise chasing an actually empty life. 

There is no guru who can tell you what your purpose is.

You can actually let life take it’s course and understand yourself through your struggles and challenges and figure out for yourself what is truly important for you and chase that. There is no way others will be able to tell you what your purpose is. 

And if there is one thing I have learned, it is that truly strong men are not easily led. Yes, you need to be emotionally, physically strong and thrive for a life that you can best provide to your family and can sometimes treat yourself as well. And if you want to by that muscle car and you can afford it. Why not? My suggestion is much simpler than that. Just be careful not to lose yourself in all the noise. Try to figure out what actually matters to you. And try to ignore some of the bullshit and fluff that surrounds you every single day.