What does it mean to be a father?

This seems fairly obvious at first. You decide, best case, to have a child and once it is born you are a father. Nothing complicated.

But becoming a real father is much more than that. There are many things changing, growing and happening inside you that you do not fully understand beforehand.

Suddenly responsibilities and priorities shift completely.

I do not think many men truly understand the deep underlying responsibility that comes with having a child. When you are waiting and your wife’s belly is growing, it still does not feel entirely tangible yet. Everyone is excited, preparing and waiting for a new life to be born.

But once the actual moment comes, you realize this is a real little person with basically zero survival skills in the early stages, and honestly not too much for quite a while either.

So fragile and tiny.

All this child really needs is food, sleep, love and a safe calm environment. Of course that calmness does not always happen. There are sleepless nights, chaos, stress and the constant process of trying to figure out how to actually keep this child alive to the best of your knowledge.

And even though life probably becomes calmer socially during this period, internally it becomes one of the busiest periods of your life.

Because you suddenly realize that YOU personally are responsible for the future of this child.

Obviously this is teamwork with your wife, but as a father you still feel enormous responsibility on your shoulders. Heavy waves of thoughts start coming into your mind.

This tiny little person will need you for years.

You have to provide the best possible environment for a healthy upbringing. That means several things.

You have to be present and build a relationship with this completely new person.

Your life as you knew it will dramatically change. It is no longer just you and your partner sharing your everyday life together.

You have to make enough money to create the best possible start in life for your child. This thought usually tends to drift into a reflection of our lives as well. I know it certainly did with me. The things I could have done differently, the opportunities missed, the things I could have changed.

You suddenly realize you have to work harder and smarter aiming for the best possible outcome, while at the same time carving even more out of your personal time to care for your family.

And your relationship changes too.

It is not even only about intimacy. Your partner’s priorities naturally shift toward the child. You are simply no longer the center of each other’s worlds in the same way as before. You have to accept that reality and keep moving forward together.

And you also realize something else.

You have to get yourself in shape, mentally and physically. You need to be strong enough to protect and support your family at all costs.

And honestly, we are still only scratching the surface.

Fatherhood does not just turn your life upside down. It forces you to juggle responsibilities that would require 40 hours a day inside a 24 hour schedule, while somehow still trying to sleep and function normally.

And this is the point where some people decide this life is not for them.

Many grown men prefer the comfort of a less responsibility heavy life, keeping on chasing status, parties, girls and just the ordinary perks of a hedonistic lifestyle.

And honestly? I do not even blame them.

But life isn’t supposed to be easy and fun. At least for me real satisfaction comes from a challenging and fulfilling life. The real feeling that no matter what, you are capable of overcoming the hurdles of life and keep moving forward.

It will not be perfect.
It does not mean you figured everything out.
But it will be a time of pure emotional and personality growth for the best. As long as you are willing to learn from your mistakes of course.

Becoming a father is really about growing into responsibility, accepting the reality of your new life and slowly becoming the type of man you would want your children to look up to one day.